Last night I cried until my whole body dried out. I cried until my body had to force me to sleep. Then I took a long hot shower and let the water wash away my pain. I let the steam surround me and the hot water pour onto my skin until I was numb and could feel nothing.
Crying is good. It purifies the soul and washes away the dirt from the chaos we live in.
I spent hours just laying there. Thinking. Remembering. And that's when I decided to stop trying to understand. I thought about a million things. About the people in our lives that come and go, the relationships we have with them that sometimes die and sometimes grow.. about the decisions we make and the experiences we gain and the lessons we learn.
They say that the hardest lessons are those we learn from the most. .. I can't say I can argue with that. I've discovered that our lives are like mazes. We all start at the same point; innocence. Then, we each try to find our way around. For some, they have this instinct on where to turn and they make a clean getaway. For the rest of us, we sometimes make the wrong turns and yet follow our guts and sometimes find ourselves at a dead end and take longer to finally set ourselves on the right course.
We all search for something in this life. Some of us yearn for accomplishment, succes..others seek fame, glory or rewards. And some..some of us just look for love. A dear friend of mine said that some of us were givers, and our need was to find someone who was willing to take.
Maybe the problem is, we're all inlove with an idea. With many different ideas. He also said that perhaps now that I have an image of exactly what I want and know I need, I have to make sure that that image is elastic enough to accomodate reality. Because no one really does live a fairytale.
In life we make many friends. Some of which we carry along and some we are forced by circumstance to leave behind. Some remain the friendly familiar faces we always knew, and others change and become complete strangers.
I think it's the hardest when it's a close friend you find you've left behind, or realise had been someone else all along. We hang on to them, wish the best for them and try to be a helping hand, but then we reach a point when it's simply not worth it anymore. When we realise that in order to learn to love again, we have to let them go.
It's also the hardest when you realise that the person infront of you was never the person you chose to hang on to. We just wish so badly that who we have are exactly who we want them to be that when we finally wake up and look closely enough to see that they are nothing of what we thought we knew, we feel betrayed by our own senses.
I still believe everything happens for a reason, and that there are bigger plans for us than any of can begin to comprehend. Those doors that are sometimes closed to us mean that there are many others waiting to be opened. ..I was told that if I still hadn't found happiness, it meant I was looking in the wrong place.
I have to be patient with time and renew the strength in my faith. Because like old man Kentucky had to go through 1009 stores to convince someone his recipie was good enough, I may have to go through several stages of my life before I'm appreciated. But.. he did get there in the end. On the 1010th attempt. Moral? he kept trying and believed that he had something worth putting out there.
..I just hope I don't have to try quite as many times.
Crying is good. It purifies the soul and washes away the dirt from the chaos we live in.
I spent hours just laying there. Thinking. Remembering. And that's when I decided to stop trying to understand. I thought about a million things. About the people in our lives that come and go, the relationships we have with them that sometimes die and sometimes grow.. about the decisions we make and the experiences we gain and the lessons we learn.
They say that the hardest lessons are those we learn from the most. .. I can't say I can argue with that. I've discovered that our lives are like mazes. We all start at the same point; innocence. Then, we each try to find our way around. For some, they have this instinct on where to turn and they make a clean getaway. For the rest of us, we sometimes make the wrong turns and yet follow our guts and sometimes find ourselves at a dead end and take longer to finally set ourselves on the right course.
We all search for something in this life. Some of us yearn for accomplishment, succes..others seek fame, glory or rewards. And some..some of us just look for love. A dear friend of mine said that some of us were givers, and our need was to find someone who was willing to take.
Maybe the problem is, we're all inlove with an idea. With many different ideas. He also said that perhaps now that I have an image of exactly what I want and know I need, I have to make sure that that image is elastic enough to accomodate reality. Because no one really does live a fairytale.
In life we make many friends. Some of which we carry along and some we are forced by circumstance to leave behind. Some remain the friendly familiar faces we always knew, and others change and become complete strangers.
I think it's the hardest when it's a close friend you find you've left behind, or realise had been someone else all along. We hang on to them, wish the best for them and try to be a helping hand, but then we reach a point when it's simply not worth it anymore. When we realise that in order to learn to love again, we have to let them go.
It's also the hardest when you realise that the person infront of you was never the person you chose to hang on to. We just wish so badly that who we have are exactly who we want them to be that when we finally wake up and look closely enough to see that they are nothing of what we thought we knew, we feel betrayed by our own senses.
I still believe everything happens for a reason, and that there are bigger plans for us than any of can begin to comprehend. Those doors that are sometimes closed to us mean that there are many others waiting to be opened. ..I was told that if I still hadn't found happiness, it meant I was looking in the wrong place.
I have to be patient with time and renew the strength in my faith. Because like old man Kentucky had to go through 1009 stores to convince someone his recipie was good enough, I may have to go through several stages of my life before I'm appreciated. But.. he did get there in the end. On the 1010th attempt. Moral? he kept trying and believed that he had something worth putting out there.
..I just hope I don't have to try quite as many times.
0 comments:
Post a Comment