Shutting out!

Today was a mess. In the mildest sense though. I couldn't make it to class, it was raining, I had to bail out on my gym session and basically did pretty much nothing more than turn back into a couch potato for the day.

I'm sick of my days going like this!

I keep making lists of the million things I need to do, and that list is long, but I never get around to doing them..

I just sit on my bum and daydream. Daydream and think. Over think. I need to stop putting my thinking on full gear all the time. It's getting really tiring and it's turning me into a pumpkin.

But, looking back on the past couple of weeks, studying put aside, I'm actually pretty proud of myself. About most things anyway. I'm starting to be a lot more like 'me' than I was in the past year. I've begun living each day as it rolls along instead of chasing days that haven't even dawned yet. I'm having more fun and laughing more than I have in the past 9 months put together. I even mean it when I smile now.

Things are far from perfect; I still have a lot to work on, but overall, it's not too bad :)

I'm starting to do new things.. things I've always wanted to do before but never got the chance. I'm somehow braver too. I don't let fear make my decisions for me anymore. It is scary, but it feels a million times more satisfying knowing I'm getting what I want by taking risks.

The past is... the past. Just that. I will not think, remember, or regret. I'm done with that and I've let go of that load. I'm not living in the future either. I'm living NOW. So I'll make mistakes -who doesn't?- and I'll hurt and be hurt, I will learn..we all do, don't we? Eventually anyway. But at least I'll be alive and NiNETEEN. (wow that old already ;P) yup. 19. I wont be 16 or 25, I will be 19; I will live my life so that one day when I'm old, wrinkling and crippled, I will at least have the memory of living out my life and having a blast to comfort me!

I've spent far too much of my life fretting about what everyone thinks. Who bloody cares anyway? I do things MY way. Because what's the point of being something everyone else wants me to be when they talk either way?! So talk! I feel sorry for their pitiful existence ;P I mean, if they'd get lives of their own and actually focus on that, the world would be a happier place.

So, its not gonna be fear or chat that's gonna slow me down ;)

I'm happy. Happier. And I'm damn well glad :)